Update to the Energy Drink List

I recently checked out Deton-8 (play on the word detonate). It is the generic Kroger energy drink and it is actually pretty decent. And for less than $1 it is definitely the most economical. It has more caffeine and sugar than full throttle, so at least on the measurable side it stacks up. Check out the rankings at left.

DSL update

DSL is up and running... at light speed... well maybe not quite that fast but when you were running at the old "snailsky" speed, "slowsky" speed looks like "ludicrous" speed.

DSL

Well DSL is finally at the Helfensfelder household. It isn't hooked up yet, maybe tomorrow... Sophie finally decided we needed it after she started getting into snapfish and started her own My Space. Alright that will do for tonight, I see Harrang laid a huge egg for me to night. thanks buddy. It will be great having DSL, then I can see just how crappy my players are doing much faster. You know those commercials for comcast with the "Slowsky" family of turtles that have DSL, I told Sophie we were like the "Snailsky's" and we were moving on up to the Slowsky level.

0.071

Wanna know what 0.071 is? That was my "fantasy" team's batting average yesterday. They screwed me again. We were making positive gains for the last week and got within 14 points of Stevie for second place and then the go out and lay a gigantic egg. You know how to get a BA of 0.071? You get a group of guys to go 2-for-28. And you know who had one of the hits? Good old Adam Dunn. Man I really like that guy. I do have to give myself credit for picking up 8 team points in one day on Sunday.

Basketball End Game Strategy

I'm watching the NBA playoffs and what the teams are doing at the end of the games doesn't make any sense to me. I sit there and look at the time remaining and the point deficit and I am screaming at the TV for someone to start fouling to stretch out the game. After a certain point I can tell now if a team has a legitimate chance to win or not. Here are the basic rules.
Deficit - Time to start fouling
10 - - - - - - - - 2:10
8 - - - - - - - - - 1:45
6 - - - - - - - - - 1:15
4 - - - - - - - - - 0:48

Some people will say, "Oh that is too early you can play defense and shoot 3's", but realistically if you foul and get the deficit down to 2 points with a minute left that is what you need. If the scenario plays out perfectly and they miss every foul shot and your team is able to come down and score in less than 10 seconds, then your team will tie the game with a minute left. These guys are pros, just because you force them to use 24 seconds is not a guarantee they won't score. And if you give up two points with less than 5 seconds left you could have saved 20 seconds by forcing them to make 2 foul shots. I base my estimates on the leading team having the ball and being able to run at least 20 seconds off the clock during each opportunity and the team that is behind using at least 10 seconds to try and score. I believe that if you are going to foul then you should count on the opposing team making some foul shots down the stretch. That is why you can't wait until less than a minute left to start fouling to try and make up a 10 point deficit, and you can't sit back and play defense down by 10 with less than 2 minutes. By my scenarios the 2 minutes would result in only 4 offensive opportunities to try and make up, realistically, 5 possessions. So until one of these coaches reads this or comes up with their own plan (and praying to hit miracle 3's is not a plan) I will continue to scream at the TV.

Funny Bob Evans Story

Sophie and I got to go on a date on Friday to the new Indiana Jones movie, and we decided for dinner to go to Bob Evans. I pulled up to the light in front of Bob Evans and there was a car in front of me. The light was red and we were both stopped, when the other car decides to just start going through the red light. This is about 7:00 P.M. so the road isn't exactly empty. Anyway the light turns green, for the people on the right of us. Luckily they see the car creeping through the light, that's right creeping - if you run a red light at least run the light don't just coast through like this car did. So I said "Gee that car must really be in a hurry, good thing they didn't wreck right in front of us or else I would have had to turn right and go around the wreck to get to Bob Evans." Well wouldn't you know it, after the car makes it through the light it turns into, where else, the Bob Evans' parking lot. So after waiting to go through the intersection legally Sophie and I pull into the parking lot and quickly spot the offending car. Sophie and I then have a brief discussion as to the age and gender of the driving before deciding that this is an elderly woman. We get out of our car and hurry into Bob Evans to get a place in line, but we figure this woman would just skip the line anyway and go set down if she wants. Well after she sits in her car for about 5 minutes (kind of makes you wonder why she was in such a hurry to get through that light) she comes in and goes right over to the counter. Here she had ordered to pick it up. Of course, after all she doesn't have time to waste eating in the restaurant. Sophie and I thought this was hilarious, I mean yeah it could have been serious, but it was just really really funny.

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull - A review

First let me say that Sophie and I view the Indiana Jones movie as an event more so than just your run-of-the-mill sequel. So if you really enjoy the Indiana Jones movies than go see it in the theatre you really won't be that disappointed. This was the first time I have seen one of the Indy movies in the theatre so it was kind of a treat. Now to the stuff that makes the movie less than spectacular. Harrison Ford does a good job being Indy, but he isn't the same. The time frame is sometime around the 1950's after WWII and you get a little background that Indy served during the war, but some of the exploits are just glanced over. His new enemy is the Russians, the series has dumped the Nazis as the old enemy since they would no longer be relevant in the time frame. Anyway Harrison does a good job because he is 20 years old than the last time Indiana Jones appeared on the big screen. It is noticeable, but I think you have to look at Indiana Jones as a bigger than life personality and someone who could transcend the aging issue. So yeah Indiana is older, but it's cool. The movie starts to fall apart around the skulls in my opinion and don't get me wrong it isn't a total collapse, but the idea is that the skulls are from space. I won't go into any more detail than that other than to say that I thought the plot was on the edge of believability and the ending put the movie way over the edge. WAY over. Other than the ending I thought it was around a 4 to 4.5 out of 5 but the ending took the final ranking down to 3.5 out of 5. If you're just a casual Indiana Jones fan I would say definitely wait 'til this comes out on DVD, but it is good enough to watch. I don't know if them bringing Shia Lebouf on as Indiana's "friend" in this one is prepping him to take over the series, but he did hold his own in his action scenes. The swinging through the jungle was a little over done though. Also Indiana's dad died, which if you saw the third movie didn't make any sense because he drank from the holy grail, right? I mean I guess if he got caught in some horrible combine accident that makes sense, but the cause of his demise is never touched on in the movie. Oops I guess.

Iron Man the Movie - A Review

I should have blogged about this movie earlier, but it is really a good movie. It is along the same lines as the Transformer movie only with a little less action. It is another good Marvel film, and the only real criticism is that Robert Downey Jr. is cast as Tony Stark. I really don't remember seeing anything where Tony Stark is as brash or arrogant as Downey makes him seem. Stark to me is a much more humble character who is still awesome, but not over the top. Also there is a little too much dialog for my taste and the action towards the end of the movie seems to fly bye because it seems rushed. I still would give the movie a 4.5 out of 5, but would advise seeing it in the theatre only if you're a big action fan or a big Marvel fan. Conveniently that is the category that Sampson and I fit in.

Sophie Ruins The Coke 600

Well Sophie strikes again. If you remember my blog about people that Tony Stewart Owes, you recall that Sophie's name is on that list. And now it should be doubly on the list. I won't say that it is completely her fault, but she did several things very deliberately today to cost Tony the win. First she wouldn't let me wear my Tony Stewart jersey.
Second she "rooted" for Tony. This is always bad because whomever she roots for is doomed.
Third, after getting back from the cook out today she comes back and puts on my Tony Stewart jersey. The first time she tried I wrestled her to the ground and then she claimed her arm was "hurt". So I left her alone, mistakenly with the jersey because I figured she learned her lesson not to touch the jersey, but no. Sampson came down and told me she had it on, but only briefly, and with two laps to go, sure enough Tony blows a front tire... while he is leading the race ... by 5 seconds. Thanks Sophie.

Obama's new controversy

Well by now everyone knows about the Rev. Wright deal with Obama. Which is kind of funny when you think about it. Here he is saying he goes to the church for 20 years and his book title is based on one of the sermons that the good Reverend has, but he is some how unable to recall the racial hate filled sermons that have sprinkled the services basically throughout. Then he defends Wright, which he should and he says he could no more deny Wright than he could deny his own Grandmother, who is white. Then Wright goes to the NAACP meeting and reiterates all these old hate speech ideas and suddenly Obama dumps him. Which is nice to see the character behind this guy, if someone gets in his way or causes a little difficulty in his life he'll just dump 'em. Which leads to the next controversy, Michelle Obama. You see while she was out stumping for her man she said that "This was the first time in her adult life that she has felt proud of her country" and she didn't just say it once either, she said it multiple times because there is multiple videos of her saying it. So the GOP has jumped on this and is making it seem like she was never proud of her country before, and maybe she hasn't been. My only warning to her is WATCH OUT. You could get dumped next. It's comical, I mean it shouldn't be, but this election process is becoming a joke. Obama is the most liberal senator in congress. He is to the left of Hillary the left of Ted Kennedy, and left of John Kerry. He hasn't once reached across the isle to help pass legislation and yet people think he is going to be some great uniter of people. He is not going to change. If he gets elected president he will have gotten elected because he never had to change. He never had to go towards the middle to work with other congressmen, and he never had to vote on a wedge issue that put him more to the middle. No he'll get elected by being a major league liberal, and if you like that sort of thing good for you, and he'll stay a major league liberal he won't change.

Sampson Wins

Sampson got the game ball from Monday's game. He had three hits without the tee. Way to go Buddy. Sophie and I didn't even know they did such a thing. Now all he has to do is get the game ball in the rest of his games. No Pressure. I did feel bad, I missed the first inning because I thought the game started at 5:30. I am going to have to start checking the old blog at work to make sure that doesn't happen again.

Sampson's T-ball Schedule

At the request of some readers here is the upcoming schedule for Sampson and the Pirates.
May 19th 5:00 PM - Fodor Field, M.F.
May 28th 5:00 PM - Fodor Field, M.F.
June 1st 7:00 PM - Fodor Field, M.F.
June 7th 9:00 AM - Fodor Field, M.F.
June 12th 4:30 PM - Fodor Field, M.F.
June 12th 6:00 PM - Fodor Field, M.F.
That will do for now.

Resistance Fall of Man for the PS3

Well I finally broke down and bought Resistance Fall of Man. This is hands down the best first person shooter I have ever played. The levels are so full of action and I really like the all out battle scenes. This game is definitely a 9.5 out of 10. The only thing that would make it a little bit better is if they told you how to accomplish the skill point rewards. Other than that the controls are great and I love the 2 player co-op mode. It reminds of Halo that way. Which I haven't played Halo 3, so maybe it is better, but only until Resistance 2 comes out in November. And I will not wait a year and half to get that game.

5 Reasons Boston won't win the Championship

1) None of the regular players have actually made it to the finals. These guys have long histories of losing in the playoffs.
2) Doc Rivers is terrible. Sometimes it looks like he is trying to lose the game. Not playing your best players during the last two minutes of the quarters when all you anyone preach about is closing out quarters. He stinks.
3) I hate Boston.
4) They haven't an easy series yet. All of these seven game series are going to start taking a toll on a team filled with "veterans".
5)They flop too much. It is like watching a team of Vlade Divacs out there. Seriously I thought Paul Pierce was trying to win an Oscar. I haven't seen that much over acting since I saw Jessica Simpson in "The Dukes of Hazard"- which I did not pay money to see.

Visit from the Assistant Fire Chief

For Mother's day my brother Willard decided he was going to burn down the old doghouse that was plaguing my mom's yard. Unfortunately he picked the windiest day he could, and did I mention that the dog house was actually converted from my old playhouse, by the way, thanks a lot Willard for burning down my old playhouse. Anyway what with the wind and the excellerant that was applied to the fire the smoke solicited a visited from the assistant fire chief. Well it was no big deal because the previous weekend Willard had burned down an old house so the Assistant Chief kind of looked the other way. Oh did I mention that the Assistant Chief is also my brother Bo. Who didn't even try to save the old play house. Thanks a lot bros. Next time Assistant Fire Chief appointments roll around my vote goes to anyone not related to me. Also Willard had to charge Mom a $6.00 fuel surcharge for the use of the fuel during the fire. Happy Mother's Day.

Response to some comments

Well recently there have been some comments posted and I would like to address some of the questions that have been raised.

Sampson has the eating ferocity of a rabid wolverine when it comes to corn and the capacity of a seven stomached bovine.

I never, nor would I ever dump a flagon of cap'n crunch whistles on the M&R department.

Also I agree that Deep spaCe fire Suppression is quite silly. I mean really think about it.

A Quick 2 week update

Sampson's T-Ball - Got his first hit without the tee in his second game. Got two home runs off the tee in his third game. (I use the term home run quite generously here, as he was the last batter of the inning and the last batter gets to run around and touch all the bases.) He also played in the pitcher circle and then played the hot corner at third. He has his fourth game tomorrow and his Maw got to come down this weekend and see him play for the first time.

Sampson also graduated from pre-school on Friday. He got some cards and some cash which he had to promptly spend on marvel figures. I took the last week off for vacation and got to go on his field trip to the zoo.

Peach continues to use her face for a battering ram for pretty much everything. She fell off the couch and landed face first on a plastic crayon box, then during the fire we had Friday for the graduation she ran her face into some wood and left herself a nice little scratch.

During vacation I also tore out the little flower bed that was in front of the house. I got all the castle wall block and plan on putting a fountain out front.

I also have about reached my threshold for fantasy baseball. It turns out I can only stay interested in it for about 2 months. It seems everyone I pick tanks, but some of the guys are starting to come on. I got about 5 home runs in the past two days, which is good because I had about 5 the whole week before. Stevie keeps trying to get me to make silly trades and before it is all over I might give in, since he is going back to Iraq. He says he can work there for a year and be done working for good. He told mom that on Mother's day - good thinking Stevie, that makes my gift look really good.

Back Home ... and not soon enough

Well the kids were waiting for me, but now they are yelling. That took less than 2 hours. When I opened the door Sophie was just rocking back and forth on the floor with a blank stare (I think the kids might have gotten to her a little this week). I guess your anxious for me to tell you what all I learned while I was gone.

1) The PA turnpike sucks. The road is terrible and you can't see anything over the giant barriers. The closer you get to Philly the worse the road gets too. And how the heck is it legal for them to charge me $16 to drive on a road that I pay for with taxes from gas and what not. Turnpikes should be outlawed.

I remember something my Dad said about turnpikes. He asked the guy at the booth if he had a gun and the guy said "no". And Dad said something like "that is pretty good, you can rob people and not even carry a gun."

2) If you think people from PA drive fast, people from New Jersey drive even faster.

3) Some DCS stuff.

Well that's about it, I gotta check on the old fantasy team.

1 More Day at Camp!!!!

Sophie / Kids,

You gotta get me outta here. My back is killing me from that evil mattress, and last night for dinner I felt like I was on Survivor. I never had that many things at one meal where it was just kind of don't look at it and just try and swallow. And I think I was 1 of 5 people in the whole place who was under 50. fun fun fun. I think the people came there just to be around other people that they thought would kick the bucket before them. Seriously. Well now it is just rainy so I can't even try and go outside, I guess I'll just get my stuff packed so I can get out of here as fast as possible. Well love you and I really really miss you guys.

Desperately,

Kirk

P.S. How mad would you be if I got a speeding ticket coming home.
P.P.S I got the kids stuff. Little Liberty Bells and what not. I got Peach a Hannah Montana Pillow she can hang up. I debated getting it because of the incident this week, but she apologized so we should be good, right? It will probably be 50% off next week cause Disney's gonna dump her.
P.P.P.S. Also while I was "shopping", some lady tried to sell me some snake oil thing for my skin. I told her no, but she put it on me anyway and now my wrist smells like a woman. She was gonna "give" me the stuff for $29.99, but I felt too violated to give her any money. Like it was some kind of sting or something, well I am going to up to my room and cry now. See you tomorrow.

Seriously it was just some spray stuff, I know if you read it again it kind of sounds dirty, but it wasn't. More creepy than dirty.