A day I will not soon be Forgetting (Home)

Today was an exciting day at work, you'll see. When I got home we had dinner and I did some computer stuff and then went to the rest room to read the old ESPN the magazine, when Sophie started yelling that someone was at the door, and they were trying to get in. So I hurried up and ran up stairs and she was pointing at the back door and yelling 'who's there?' She was really freaking out. I turned on the back lights and opened the blind and here it was our neighbor. Unfortunately he is an elderly man with Alzheimer's, so I don't know if he knew where he was or how long he had been outside (at least it was in the 40°'s tonight and not freezing). I threw open the door and all he said was 'please kill me'. I was shocked, I was just at a loss for words, so I tried to get him in the house and I told him that I wasn't going to kill him. Well he was just shaking and talking about how his parents were dead and he should have been home, like it was some recent event. I don't think he wanted me to kill him because of his physical state I think he was more troubled by not being there when his parents passed. It is an interesting glimpse into a person's mind when everything is striped away names, dates, abilities and the things that are most prominent are the memories of regrets. These ideas that have been burned in over the years, real or imagined, the reality is only what we make of it and how long we dwell on certain things. Usually the bad supersedes any good in our life, often we dwell on the passing of loved ones, but rarely on the good events that actually make up our lives like weddings or child births. I can remember thinking about my Dad passing for everyday for the first two years after he died. I don't remember when the first day was that I didn't think of him, but I remember very clearly the next day walking across campus back to my apartment thinking that I had actually gone one day without thinking about my dad. Last year was the first year that the anniversary of his death passed and I didn't really think about it, January 17th. But it is an event that is very deeply burned into my mind and I wonder if I ever end up in a similar state that one of the things I dwell on will be my father. Life shouldn't be like that, but I guess it is up to me to really make that difference. You don't really concentrate on the good things because they are good and don't require a lot of attention, and that is unfortunate. I guess if you just took a few minutes a day or on the commute home or to work or school and concentrated on the good things, the real blessings that have come into your life, maybe the day will seem a little better and the 'good' things will get burned in to your mind. Anyway after we got him in the house and I got him to set down he asked God to kill him and then he asked the 'why me' question and what do you tell someone in that predicament. Not to be rude, but the answer will likely fall on deaf ears other than your own and your left with the rationale that God has a purpose for all of us. Maybe my sole purpose was to be here in this house on this night in order to keep my neighbor from wondering into the street or taking his life into his own hands. Or perhaps to be touched by this moment so profoundly that when I write it, I know eventually it will be read and that is what will affect someone to change their life. Whatever the reason I can live with that. After Sophie had been able to track down his wife, and alert her, and we got him back home he seemed to be a little bit better. As I helped him to the couch and he had a seat, he looked me in the eyes and thanked me, and I told him he was welcome, we shook hands and it was a heart felt moment. On the way out Sophie and I hugged his wife and sympathized with her as much as possible, but unless you have lived that life it is impossible to understand exactly what either one of them is going through. Afterwards, there is a period of self reflection and you just kind of wonder what will happen and how well off will you be. Why does our body and mind fail us at the time when we need them the most? All this time spent working out and reading and trying to better ourselves, will it all fall apart in the end and if it does who will people remember - the you when you mattered to you, or the you when nothing matters to you except your regrets? I don't know that there is any type or dose of medicine that could possibly help at this point, but watching is difficult, not as difficult as being there everyday, and writing this is difficult. I guess all we can do is focus on the good and help each other through the bad. Well this was a little sad for Christmas and all, but maybe just maybe it will make things a little better. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for everyone.