Rules to Check-out by

While I was checking out tonight at the local Kroger, I came to several different realizations, actually I have had the realizations before but never put them down.

1) People who are going to write a check to pay for their groceries never start writing the check until after the cashier tells them the total. It's like 'hello, you know you aren't whipping out a $50 bill and paying with cash, start writing the check when all of the stuff is out of the buggy. It isn't like they are going to tell you the total and you are going to say you changed your mind.' Ohh that is too high I'm not going to buy that, I am sooooo glad I didn't waste a check here.
1b) or use the check writing machine, just sign your name and they scan it through, simple.

2) What ever lane I get in will be the longest possible wait. It never fails, there will be a lane with 8 more people in it and the person that walked up after me will get checked out before me.

1c) use the U-scan and take all the time you want to check out and write a check.

3) The faster you want to go the longer it will take. Guaranteed.

After these realizations I have developed a few rules to follow to help speed up the old check out process.

Rule #1) Avoid the older cashiers. Unless you want to set there and think 'I could grab their hand, wrap it around my stuff, and swipe it before they could.' Also they will want to talk to you and discuss everything your buying, 'Getting a box of wine huh, that should be fun. I remember the time I bought a box of wine once ....'
#1b) Always go to a cashier that is younger than you. Look for the youngest most well groomed male. If he has gel in his hair, you are going to get out of there quick. If there aren't any guys it can be hit or miss with young girls. Don't go too young though, you don't want somebody handling your Karo syrup going 'What's this for?'. Mid 20's to early 30's for women, after that it is a needle in a hay stack.

#2) Avoid the line with the mom and kids. She has coupons, and she will always catch something that didn't scan right or at least she will argue for a few minutes before conceding that the sale on bananas doesn't start until tomorrow and now she doesn't want them. I know this from shopping with Sophie.

#3) Get in the line with the most single guys. These guys use cash or credit cards, have one or two things, and never want to talk. They got way too much going on to spend too much time in a store.

#4) Don't get in line behind me. Refer to realization 2.

Hope this helps speed up your next shopping trip or at least you can laugh about it when you are in line and you think 'man, I should have paid closer attention to what was on that blog.'