Bad Dad

Being a parent is hard.  You want what is best for your kids, but at the same time you want them to earn it and appreciate it.  You want them to know all the hard lessons in life without having to go through them. Telling them 'No' is as much a punishment for them as it is for you.  You believe in them irrationally and when they don't have things go their way you are heart broken.  You direct them and give them rules, and your heart breaks when they don't listen or go against your wishes.  When they are mad at you it is like you are dead inside.  Life means less, because everything you have given them you have some how failed them.  I'm sorry I couldn't let you keep the dog.  We said no, when you asked, and when you brought it home I knew it would end badly.  If you love someone you go out of your way to make them feel loved, not to make them have to make difficult choices or inconvenience them. The only constant in life is change.  People come, people go, there is always a step changed to life, some parts more difficult, some easier, but the levels are different.  Some lessons you just can't explain to someone, you have to let them live it and hope they learn the right thing.  Even if you told them the right thing the day before.  I could give in and be the hero or I could give in and be the sucker.  It's hard to know which time is which and you may not know until after you make the decision.  I only want what is best for them, but sometimes I fail, not for lack of trying though, and that's why I'm a bad Dad.